With tail tucked firmly between my legs, I confess: In my first book, Full Heart Living, I violated a cardinal rule of self-help writing. In Chapter 5, titled Expressing Thanks, I suggested that readers consider writing a thank you letter to a mentor, medical professional, bus driver, writer, librarian—someone important who made a significant difference in their life. “Be specific,” I wrote. “Tell them what they did and how what they did impacted you—and how they continue to influence you today.
“To take it a step further,” I continued, “deliver your letter in person, and then read it aloud.”
Great idea, if I do say so myself. The only problem? I wrote that without having done it. Just as in teaching—or as in being a therapist—it’s best never to advise others do something you haven’t done yourself.
I’d been meaning to write and deliver such a letter since before Full Heart Living came out, and ever since. Who I’d address it to was never in question: my fifth-grade teacher, Miss Collier, to me the epitome of unconditional love. Now retired, she spent her entire career as an elementary school teacher. I was a member of her very first class, and we’ve remained in touch ever since.
I’d started writing my letter a number of times but couldn’t seem to find the right words, and I worried it would turn out too short or too long. It was as though I was trying too hard. I kept giving up.
Then last fall I attended two unrelated events at which I was assigned writing such a letter. One was at a local indie theater that invited me to attend a rehearsal for an experiential, interactive performance piece on increasing happiness. The other was a mindful self-compassion workshop. In each case we were given about 10 minutes to write a letter to someone important to us. Simply putting pen to paper, the clock ticking, I didn’t worry about the length or grammar or finding the precise words; I just wrote. The two letters, written about six weeks apart, were eerily similar. Here’s one of them:
Dear Miss Collier,
Thank you for being so kind to me in fifth grade. You made me feel seen, appreciated, and safe. Wanted. Talented. You liked me, I could tell. You told me I had a gift for writing, and as you know, I went on to write two published books. You helped me beyond the time I was in your classroom. The foundation of self-esteem helped me survive difficult years in which I experienced great shame and self-doubt. As you probably know, I went on to a career as a psychologist. I hope I help others as you helped me.
Eternally grateful,
Tom
Photo by the author
While visiting my hometown last week, I took Miss Collier to lunch and read aloud my letters. No surprise, we both cried, especially when I reached the part about the years of shame.
When I finished reading, Miss Collier used a paper napkin to wipe her cheek and said, “You have no idea how meaningful this is to me.” She told me that she had heard from students’ parents a few times, but rarely would a student tell a teacher something like this themselves. “You have no idea how meaningful it is,” she repeated.
I sure know it was meaningful to me. After all, I suggested it in Full Heart Living as a way to help readers live more fully.
I suspect Miss Collier had some sense of how much she meant to me given that I’d kept in touch with her for five decades. But I wanted to be explicit—and specific. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I wanted her to know how and why she means so much to me. And I wanted to tell her in person.
Yes, afterward I felt a bit of post-crying fatigue. That’s only to be expected. Mostly, my spirit soared, and I walked down the street with a little more jaunt. A jaunt well worth waiting for.
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THE HOUSE THAT RESILIENCE BUILT UPDATE
If you have read The House That Resilience Built , please write a review on both Amazon.com and Goodreads. As with my letter to Miss Collier, PLEASE don’t overthink it. Just a few sentences of honest appraisal would be great. Also, please hit the “Like” button for others’ reviews, and MAJOR bonus points for adding in a photo. THANK YOU if you’ve already done so!
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UPCOMING EVENTS
Wednesday, September 16, 7:00 p.m.
THE HEART OF HEALING: TRAUMA IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY
Magers and Quinn Booksellers
3038 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis, MN
January 21, 2027, 2:00 p.m.
THE HOUSE THAT RESILIENCE BUILT
Palm Desert Library
73300 Fred Waring Drive
Palm Desert, CA 92260
On Demand:
An On-Demand, 3-hour Workshop for Healing Professionals Sponsored by Minnesota Psychological Association
CEUs available
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RECENT PODCAST APPEARANCES
The Downright Upright with Philip Anthony
On the Downright Upright Show, host Philip Anthony and I go DEEP. In addition to recounting our coming out saga, we explore our eerily similar childhood bullying experiences, and how we each triumphed with resilience.
Everyday Awakening with Catherine Duncan
Two spiritual people exploring life and death and how the hardest things we experience can be our greatest teachers.
Connections with Laurie Fitz AM950 Radio Live from Twin Cities Pride
Who knows resilience better than the Queer Communities? Having known one another for years, host Laurie Beth and I may tend to digress, but wait till you hear where it takes us. Please listen.
WHAT OTHER PODCASTS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME ON? PLEASE MESSAGE ME.
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ON MY SHELVES
NONFICTION:
Just finished Make Believe by Mac Barnett, the newly appointed National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature. Deep, smart, and very funny, Make Believe really got me thinking. Not only did it reinforce my long-held conviction in the importance of getting children to read. It also makes the case that the genre is terribly under regarded, that children’s books are an art form unto themselves, and that there is so much more to them—”them” meaning both children and the books they read—than most of us appreciate. Thank you, Mac Barnett!
FICTION:
Just finished The Calamity Club by Kathryn Stocket, author of The Help. I was riveted by this Depression-era novel about desperate people in desperate times. The characters are so well depicted, I fell in love with them. i couldn’t wait to pick up the book again each day. Filled with surprises, this is one of the best books I’ve read this year.
Recently Read: Warlight by Michael Ondaatje, author of The English Patient. I wanted to like this book more than I did (or expected to). The premise is intriguing—about a sibling pair abandoned by their parents just after World War II, leaving them with mysterious, benevolent adults—but I didn’t fall in love with the characters, diverse and interesting as they were. Probably worth the read, though. Four out of five stars.
Recently Read: Meet Me at the Museum by Ann Youngson is written as a series of letters between the caretaker of the ancient Tollund man (an actual naturally mummified man from the fourth century, BC) and a farmer’s wife hundreds of miles and several countries away. I found it light, sweet, and fairly thought provoking.
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Thank you for reading my Substack!
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Please REFER A FRIEND: Know someone who could use thoughts like these? Please forward this post their way. They can click here to subscribe (and get a free workbook to boot!)!
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Tom Glaser is a master’s-level licensed psychologist and Amazon best-selling author of The House That Resilience Built: A Psychologist’s Approach to Healing Childhood Trama. He has appeared on more than 100 podcasts promoting happiness and resilience. His first book, Full Heart Living: Conversations with the Happiest People I Know, also an Amazon bestseller, gave rise to a live performance piece and documentary. He and his husband divide their time between Minneapolis and Palm Springs.
FIND OUT MORE here:
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Written with 100% Human Intelligence
Beautiful piece, Tom. What a gift you gave Miss Collier.
This is beautiful Tom. I have personally felt your gift of affirmation and gratitude directed my way. Thank YOU!