The One-Line Echo Riff
From an actual dream
Like many Highly Sensitive People, I tend to experience vivid nighttime dreams and remember many of them upon awakening. Here’s a recent one that caught my attention:
Photo by Abid Shah on Unsplash
I was in a professional class or seminar, and a large group of students stood around a classroom while brainstorming how to execute a group assignment. The leading suggestion was to role-play a class, with an instructor or two up front lecturing and the rest of us just sitting there pretending to be students. In addition to being boring, I thought that approach would prove ineffective—didactic, one-sided, lacking interaction and creativity.
I suggested instead that we form a circle, and each contribute one line—sort of like the old “telephone” game children play, except we would speak aloud so everyone could hear each contribution.
By silent agreement, the group decided on this activity, similar to an improvisational acting game: The first person was to speak, and subsequent people were to use what was said as a launching point, maintaining the integrity of what was spoken while also allowing it to shift organically. In the dream, it came to me to call it the “One-Line Echo Riff.”
A hush settled over the room as everyone stood in a circle.
The first person spoke: “My client wanted to say the same thing time and time again.”
Second person: “My client wanted to say the same thing over and over again.”
Third person: “My client said the same thing over and over again, and I let her.”
Next person: “My client said the same thing, repeating herself. It seemed to be what she needed.”
Next person: “My client said the same thing over and over again; it seemed to be what she needed, so I allowed her to do so.”
Next person: “My client said the same thing time after time. At first, I didn’t think it would help.”
Next person: “My client said the same thing, and at first I thought it would be boring and wouldn’t help. But it turns out I was wrong.”
Next person: “My client said the same thing over and over again, until one day she didn’t.”
Next person: “Eventually she didn’t say the same thing.”
Next person: “My client said the same thing over and over again until she didn’t anymore. In time, what she said changed. And she changed.”
Last person: “My client said the same thing over and over again until she didn’t anymore. And in time, together, we created this beautiful poem.”
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COMMENTARY (aka DREAM ANALYSIS)
Part of me hesitates to comment at all. Isn’t the point of poetry to allow readers their own interpretation? If you’d rather just sit with this dream-poem, please skip this section, or come back to it later. But I’ll allow a few remarks on what I make of this intriguing dream.
To me, the dream fairly accurately reflects the process of psychotherapy. It’s not uncommon for clients to need to tell the same story—or similar ones—any number of times. Sometimes the client is not at first aware of how similar their stories are. In time, with the careful attention and attunement of the therapist, the client’s awareness shifts, and with awareness, their behavior also can shift. When they no longer need a certain behavior, the client changes it, much like a snake sheds its skin as it outgrows it.
This is certainly true in my personal experience. Childhood traumas led me to withdraw. Remaining quiet and hiding vulnerable parts of myself helped me feel safer. Sadly, doing so also limited my close relationships; avoiding exposing inner parts of myself kept others from getting to know me, and me from getting to know myself.
As I write about in The House That Resilience Built, talking in therapy about my traumas and how they informed my behaviors helped me recognize the patterns and eventually make different choices that help me feel closer to people. Doing so only one time wasn’t enough. I needed to tell the tale a few times, try things from different angles, and gain more perspective before I could adjust course and move on.
Boredom appears twice in the dream-poem. Lecture style? I wasn’t having it. Education itself often isn’t enough. Lasting, deep, and true change requires active participation. And we need to have patience with ourselves and others. Repetition—in the telling, in the listening, and in the doing—is also needed.
It also strikes me that in the dream I’m not passive or hiding what I think and feel. I’m active, taking a leadership role, and taking risks, all of which pay off in the unexpected delivery of a collectively written poem.
And that leads to another important element: The wisdom arises in the communal. We can’t go it alone.
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THE HOUSE THAT RESILIENCE BUILT UPDATE
I’m honored and humbled to report that we’re up to 28 The House That Resilience Built reviews on Amazon (4.7 stars), and 13 reviews on Goodreads (5.0 stars). Yippee yahoo! Thank you to those who have helped us get here. A minimum of 25 reviews is needed on each platform to maximize the algorithms. I’m no math major, but I can assert with some authority that I need at least 12 more on Goodreads, and the more the merrier on Amazon.
If you have read The House That Resilience Built and like it, Please, please, please write a review on both Amazon.com and Goodreads. Don’t overthink it. Just a few sentences of honest appraisal would be great. Bonus points for adding a photo to your Amazon review, and be sure to hit the “Like” button for others’ reviews. THANK YOU!
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THE HOUSE THAT RESILIENCE BUILT IN THE MEDIA
All times Central
Wednesday, June 3, 9:20 a.m. CBS/WCCO-TV Relationship Reboot: What Is Trauma?
Wednesday, June 24, 9:20 a.m. CBS/WCCO-TV Relationship Reboot: Trauma and Relationships
Wednesday, July 15, 9:20 a.m. CBS/WCCO-TV Relationship Reboot: How to Respond if Someone You Care About Reveals They Are a Trauma Survivor
Tuesday, June 9, 7:30 p.m. Instagram Live with NYT Bestselling Rabbi Steve Leder
Saturday, June 27, 12:00 noon Connections Radio Special Pride Edition AM950
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EVENTS
Wednesday, September 16, 7:00 p.m.
THE HEART OF HEALING: TRAUMA IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY
Magers and Quinn Booksellers
3038 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis, MN
More events and podcast appearances coming soon.
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RECENT PODCAST APPEARANCES
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ON MY SHELVES
FICTION:
Just finished Tilt by Emma Patte. Since I was a preteen and stumbled upon John Christopher’s post-apocalyptic books in the library, I’ve been a fan of science-fiction and sci-fi adjacent reading. As my tastes have evolved, I find fewer of those satisfying. This one, about a pregnant woman walking for miles in search of her husband after a huge earthquake in modern Portland, Oregon, didn’t disappoint. I found it enthralling and fast paced, sad, funny, and thought provoking. An expertly written book.
Recently Read: Theo of Golden by Allen Levi. One of many things I loved about this book is that the author, like me, was not initially represented by a major publishing house. Word of mouth led to its massive success (PLEASE keep talking up The House That Resilience Built!). The tale follows the mysterious elderly Theo, a newcomer to the fictional town of Golden, Georgia, who becomes enchanted by hand-drawn portraits of regulars at a local coffee shop. He decides to purchase the drawings and gift each to the person portrayed. In exchange, he asks only to hear the person’s story. Not only is Theo an extraordinary listener, he “sees” the person deeply and shares what he sees. A story of the power of seeing and being seen (not unlike The House That Resilience Built, I must say), this book is captivating, heartwarming, surprising, and charming. One of the top 25 fiction books I’ve ever read.
NONFICTION:
Recently Read: Love’s Labor: How We Break and Make the Bonds of Love by Stephen Grosz. I was initially drawn to this new release in part because it sounded eerily similar to my own new book, The House That Resilience Built. Grosz is an acclaimed author and psychoanalyst who shares true stories from his practice with patients who struggle with remaining connected with their loved ones. “Psychoanalysis is a particular form of not knowing. Psychoanalysis is two people not knowing together.” This is just one of many quotes that took my breath away in this delightful book, which resonated deeply with me as a psychologist. Dr. Gross is a gifted analyst and a talented writer. I learned so much about myself, my relationships, and my work. Though I’m not sure I’d want to go to therapy five days a week (if that is how he works—it was unclear), his brilliance, warmth, and keen insight make me want the author to be my therapist. Highly recommended.
Recently Read: Bitter, Sweet: How to Heal Yourself When Your Family is Broken. This is a brave and riveting tale of trauma and redemption. Author Stephaine Weaver writes beautifully about topics that are very difficult to write about: childhood sexual trauma, estrangement, and reconciliation. A must-read for trauma survivors and those who love them.
On deck: I still haven’t managed to nab of copy of The Beginning Comes After the End: Notes on a World of Change by Rebecca Solnit. I think I’m about #800 in the queue for it at the library—which in itself is a huge endorsement, of course. I’ve been following Solnit since last fall as part of my Buddhism in Action practice. She’s whip smart and remains hopeful despite the angst and danger of our times. In her worldview, interconnection is a core idea and value. I believe we need this now! I’m probably going to bite the bullet and purchase a hard copy.
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Thank you for reading.
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Tom Glaser is a master’s-level licensed psychologist and Amazon best-selling author of The House That Resilience Built: A Psychologist’s Approach to Healing Childhood Trama. He has appeared on more than 100 podcasts promoting happiness and resilience. His first book, Full Heart Living: Conversations with the Happiest People I Know, also an Amazon bestseller, gave rise to a live performance piece and documentary. He and his husband divide their time between Minneapolis and Palm Springs.
FIND OUT MORE here:
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Written with 100% Natural Intelligence (No AI)
Thank so much for the shout-out, Tom!